So I am sitting in front of an arrogant man, his glasses on the bridge of his nose, showing his authority and his lip slightly raised on one side, which I understand to mean is a form of disdain.
One moment he is turning to his colleague who is in on what should be a life changing private consultation. He is laughing with his friend about some irrelevant information as though I am not in the room and then the next moment, turning back, saying to me you’re going to go blind! All this in a way that has no compassion or connection with no attempt at any form of counselling, complete indifference at my plight and to a point of cruelty.
When I attempt to make sense of it all and ask questions, I am told that I should keep quiet, my questions won’t help me, they are irrelevant and to not interfere with his process, and that I should without question just follow instructions, sign this form for injections in my eyes and thanks for coming and good luck to me.
He did not ask any important questions about my health, such as talking about the heart attack I suffered some two years earlier or the fact that I died and had to be revived after suffering anaphylactic shock from a chemical injection after a routine heart examination three weeks later. All very important as the eye injections also involved a chemical that is foreign to my body, and that with my heart condition I could get a blood clot and die from the procedure.
I have never ever given my life over to anyone and I like to take full responsibility for my own well being, but understand that medical intervention can in some cases be the best policy, but in my head my intuitive voice is saying “but whose life is it anyway?”.
It has taken some time for me to understand why my unconscious, or some may believe my inner guidance, presented that question to me in that moment, but its relevance is becoming clearer to me day by day. As I experience more on my transformational journey.
So starts a personal step into self discovery that will lead to some areas that I have been familiar with, but only now really understand, and the events of the past have helped to confirm to me.I have been a spiritual tourist and like many others read a number of inspiring books, they are a great way to understand things conceptually, but it’s not until you get down and dirty with a challenge or two that things become very real, and in some cases life threatening.
I suppose it’s why we like to watch horror movies or films that scare us in other ways, as we know that we can return to safety and appreciate our privileged and calm lives once the movie is over, like getting a thrill by riding the rollercoaster.
As our lives change and especially in today’s climate danger is becoming more real to us each and every day, and this, as I will explain later, leads to anxiety that in turn creates a biological response that leads to all forms of illness and other challenges.
The experience of my heart attack, the anaphylactic shock, the blindness diagnosis, and what I did next, has really brought home to me just how important the emotions are in both the creation of illness in our bodies but also the cure to this dis-ease.
By taking you on a journey with me, I am hoping that in some way my experiences that I share here will help guide you to a place that I find myself now where my past experiences do not define me but only serve as building blocks to a more empowering way of being in the world. A way that serves myself and others and through time builds better relationships with others and most importantly with myself, more heart centred and complete.
This is also a selfish process as the writing down of my thoughts, feelings and past events are in of themselves cathartic and will by its end have helped clear many other areas that may not have been dealt with already, at least I have seen this to be the case with many authors of blogs who have been involved in a similar process.
So forgive me if what you see seems a little self indulgent but without doing so we cannot build a connection and I can’t share what may be of use to you in your own healing journey. If you wish to continue with me then we are about to take the first step and you may want to strap yourself in as it may at times be a bumpy ride!!
Please explore my blog and discover the many stories and insights I have ready for you.
Wishing you success.